The Onion reports Kobayashi’s retirement
The Onion reports that Takeru Kobayashi has retired from not just competitive eating but from food consumption altogether.
According to Kobayashi, the transition from a life of eating to one of not eating has not been easy.
“Do I still crave food? Of course—usually about three times per day,” Kobayashi said. “There are times when the thought of never eating again really hurts. There are times when it burns, times when it aches, times when it induces fainting, and times when my blood pressure suddenly drops and I experience heart palpitations for two straight minutes. Like any change in life, it’s going to be an adjustment.”
Kobayashi also said that, because he was born into a family of lifelong food-eaters, he was afraid to explore other career paths throughout his life, believing that doing so might upset his parents.
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Mr Negativity said
July 19, 2007 @ 1:41 pm
Wow this is incredible news
Steakbellie said (Registered August 11, 2006)
July 19, 2007 @ 1:46 pm
Scooped Again!!!!
Anonymous said
July 19, 2007 @ 2:27 pm
Am I the only one who thinks The Onion is stupid?
It’s just a series of barely funny and not at all funny jokes, one after another.
The headlines can be funny. The ideas behind the stories can be funny. But the stories always suck.
Carey said
July 19, 2007 @ 2:50 pm
I remember seeing a book years ago that compiled all the Onion stories, and they were funny. I haven’t seen any lately, but judging from this story, I would say that they have gone the way of Saturday Night Live. Not funny anymore, but just unwilling to admit it.
Square Meal said
July 19, 2007 @ 5:02 pm
Its true. Like Hamlet he shall “eat the air, promise crammed… you cannot feed capons so”
badlands booker said
July 19, 2007 @ 6:15 pm
The Onion is like Mad Magazine. Koby’s still competing.
Anonymous said
July 19, 2007 @ 7:40 pm
Maybe Kobys really afraid of Joey and its true. Bye Koby.
Romeo said
July 20, 2007 @ 12:00 pm
He’s afraid of Juliet.
Square Meal said
July 22, 2007 @ 2:45 am
Oh Romeo, Romeo where for art thou, Romeo? It is East and, Juliet is the sun