The Ballad of Joey ‘Jaws’ Chestnut
A song praising Joey “Jaws” Chestnut by Billy Sugarfix can be listened to on the Independent Weekly website. The song has considerably higher production values than what you might expect.
Like a savant, Billy seizes upon a section of an interview where Chestnut discusses his two-handed eating process and compares it to a marathoner. “I need to find my rhythm: Bite, bite, swallow. Bite, bite, swallow,” Billy says, reading it to me. We toss a couple of ideas on how to approach the meter back and forth before settling on a ballad to Chestnut’s burgeoning legend, like a combination of Billy Jack and Davy Crocket. Billy gets back to me within 24 hours with music, the above verse, and this resplendent chorus, with the grace of a look from an eagle’s eye.
He’s a stomach-centric thousandaire
feeling the rhythm of a Krystal’s square
Coney Island here he comes
bite bite swallow,
even the crumbs are afraid.Like anyone with less musical talent than William Hung, I’m at first shocked at how good it sounds, and immediately set about ruining it by increasing my participation. I pen another verse for the song, and call Billy back. He immediately notes that my verse in the first person, whereas, hitherto, the song has been in the third person. I somewhat clumsily admit I have thought of this, but figured the first half could be introduction, like on “Shaft,” when the background girls say how he’s a mean mofo. Ever gracious, he takes my suggestions and promises a final version by the weekend. And, lo and behold, he brings it home. Just like ol’ Joey “Jaws” Chestnut—the (potential) real American hero—damn well better.
Loading ...
anonymous said
July 2, 2007 @ 9:11 pm
This is the first time i have ever heard a competitive eating song that didnt have rap in it